Attending church has become difficult for me, primarily because 1) the songs are difficult for me to follow (I have a hearing problem) and 2) rarely does the sermon catch or keep my attention. (This isn't the preacher's fault. It's a common problem for people who have 40+ years of experience in anything. Repetition becomes more common. At age 65, repetition is a serious and potent somniac.)
For several months I've only gone haphazardly . Usually I have easily justified it by those two reasons and other self-justifying magical thoughts I'd convince myself with. Then periodically Luke 4:16 would come to mind. NUTS!
How in the world could the psalm singing in the synagogue compare to angelic hosts singing praises in heaven? What in the world could the rabbis mumbled about that would catch the ear of the living Word himself? That would have been a trick and an accomplishment! What did Jesus "get out" of the service? How anxious could he have been to hear the dreary singing and insipid and weary blubbering of God's word? Yet, as the verse clearly states, he attended REGULARLY.
I know the bottom-line problem. I felt I was wasting my time, and I wasn't getting anything.
Then yesterday I pondered a lot on victory. I used to think of victory as something that would eventually occur; it was something that would come LATER. No, that isn't it. Victory is always NOW. 1 John 5:4-5 illustrates in two verses that victory is in the present tense, not the future tense.
I thought and thought on it. I reread the verses several times. Then I saw it. As I have faith, victory occurs at that moment irrespective of circumstances. I do not have to wait to experience it. If I am trusting the Lord, serving the Lord, seeking to please the Lord, seeking to help others in his name, then I AM victorious at that moment.
With this in mind, I rethought my lackadaisical approach to church attendance. If I sit and listen actively with a faith-mindset, then no time is wasted. If I were in a prison and forced to listen to the sayings of Chairman Mao, that time would not be wasted if I listened in faith. I definitely need to explain what I mean by listening in faith.
So what does it mean to listen in faith? It means I am active in praising God, serving God, and serving others. If I have trouble with the music (I have a hearing problem and physically do not hear music correctly), then I can look at the words and pray, "Lord, listen as I praise you now with these thoughts." Then I consciously read the words in a prayer to the Lord. What about the sermon? Same thing. "Lord, what do you want me to know. Let the Spirit speak to me now." If nothing happens, just nothing clicks, then fine. My prayer changes. "Lord, take these words [so familiar to me] and use them to speak to those who need to hear them today." If I'm tired and am having trouble concentrating, then I can simply pray for others using the prayer list.
Let's return to the Chairman Mao ordeal. What could I do there to experience victory? I could listen for contrasts. If Mao said God is dead and the state provided our needs, I could pray, "Lord, the fools says there is no God. Strengthen me to stay strong and let these lying arrows bounce off the shield of your word." I could pray for the others who had to listen. I could pray that I might be able to witness to them later. Victory is always now and has no bearing or relationship to the circumstances.
The point is this: whether I come home or stay at church I can do either in faith. The advantage at church is that I will hear things and see things in a crowd of fellow believers that I will not experience elsewhere. There is a greater opportunity to serve other believers at church, actually serve then, as opposed to merely pray for them if I remained at home.
My attendance at church has been like the disciples in the Garden. Their flesh was weary, and they couldn't stay awake (or alert or listen or stay focused). The spirit truly is willing, but the flesh is weak. I was fighting to stay awake in church just like the disciples were in the Garden. The attitudes, weaknesses, and failure to trust the Lord are identical. Only the location is different.
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