I’m thinking of a word that Christians and non-Christians (including atheists) agree is a very important word. All of them esteem its virtues; all urge to have it as the motive of actions; all seek it in their lives. What makes this commonality so intriguing is, regardless of the use of the word, there is profound disagreement over the meaning of the word. The word I’m referring to is “love.”
Jesus stated that “love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” was the first law and “love your neighbor as yourself” was the second law. The dispute over the first law is legion. Atheists consider it nonsense, and religions cannot agree who this “Lord” is. In sharp contrast, the second law is embraced warmly by all. Yet, though “loving others and being loved” is critical to any meaning in life, there is great divergence to what the word means.
Since this article is probably being read online, try a simple experiment. Type “definition love” in your search engine. Try two or three of the dictionaries that will come up. Including main definitions, sub-definitions, and idioms and special usages of the noun and verb, you will be lucky to find less than 25 definitions in any dictionary! Once again we have an illustration that the “simplest” words, the most commonly used words that we consider important are very hard to define.
Sometimes a person will make clear in their context what they mean, e.g., “I’d like to make love with …” That is clearly a sexual usage. When someone says, “My parents did not love me,” that one is a bit harder and needs explanation. Indeed, when a teenage daughter comes home swooning how her boyfriend “loves” her, most Christian parents will have a sense of fear, certainly uneasiness. What does this boy mean? What does he know of commitment, sacrifice? The boy might be thinking no more than, “I’ve never felt this way.”
My attention in this article is not all the variances of the word. They exist, and that is the end of it. The problem I’m concerned with the way we use the word around unbelievers or when teaching. When a person is talking to another, the words used are interpreted by the listener, using the listener’s primary meaning, not the speaker’s! How many times has something you’ve said come back to you and when you heard it, you’ve remarked, “That isn’t what I said or meant at all”?
I have maintained for years that the #1 reason for disagreements is the failure to mean the same thing, that words or phrases have not been defined. When I say undefined, I mean the speaker has failed to make it clear. When I use a word, I will have a meaning in my mind for it. I assume the listener has the same meaning. As mentioned above, the important words in life have many meanings. (Test this out: look up love, life, death, hope, etc.) If I use an important word and am not clear as to what I mean, then the listener will automatically supply his meaning.
If I say “We should love others,” one person might think, “I need to be kind to others” whereas another might think, “I need to feel that deep bond with others.” Those are not the same at all. The former is an act that may have no feeling to it. The latter is a feeling that may have no act to it.
One way to quickly illustrate the confusion inherent in a word like “love” is to ask, “What does it mean to love your enemy?” Standby for a wide range of responses on this. It is easily within each person’s definition of love to accommodate situations with people they like and people in which they have a neutral relationship. The problem is when someone hates you and is out to get you.
Many times I have heard people ask, “Okay, I have to love this person, but do I have to like him?” This statement dissolves into meaninglessness when you counter with the question, “Does God have to love you but not like you?” People might want to say that is what God means about others, but it is not what God means about me. Of course, God loves and likes me."
So, what can we, who claim to be practicing Christians, possibly do to avoid this mess? Every time we use the word “love,” we cannot insist people redefine the word. That simply will not work. Custom is king, and the listener will resort to his common usage.
I have a suggestion. We need to add a four-letter word to the word “love.” Adding this one word will immediately be understood, even by a child. In fact, by adding this four-letter word to “love,” we will be closer to the Biblical usage of “love.” So, what is the four-letter word? Show.
Let’s take the command that is the most confusing, when we are told to “love your enemies.” Take that same command and add our four-letter word, “Show love to your enemies.” This completely changes the meaning. Even a five-year-old child understands what it means “to show love to your sister” when he has been mean to her. Even Jesus spells out what he means by showing love to your enemies: do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who spitefully use you (Luke 6:27-28).
When someone asks, “If I have to love my enemy, do I have to like him?” You can simply answer by, “Show love to your enemy. In the same way that you would like your enemy to show love to you, you, therefore, show that same love to him.”
Yes, there can still be some misunderstanding, but nothing close to what there is now. “Show love” points to action that will help another. As any of us can testify who have shown love to an enemy, our feelings of animosity decreased as we showed love to the other. The conflict of “love and like” dissipates under acts of showing love. It is not possible to feel hatred if you show love to others. Either you will stop so you can keep the feelings of dislike, or you will continue and change in your feelings toward the person.
So, I return to the issue. Among human relationships nothing is more important than love, but few words are as elusive in meaning as love. We, as Christians, need to start using a four-letter word consistently. We need to exhort others “to show love” so they can understand that the Lord's command to us is in action toward others, not just our feelings. Also, it is imperative for us "to show love" to others.
In conclusion Christians need to use two four-letter words in particular and keep them together: "show love."
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